Did you Really Think that this War would End Wars?

"I don't really wanna live this life..."

I've realised that sitting at my desk typing, with my headphones around my neck playing music at me seems to only insert song lyrics into my head as I type. So if today's post seems fragmented, you know why.

"Please leave your memories at the door, why has the world gone off and desserted me? Oh there's no room within these walls..."

Point and case. Anyway, I decided I'd do a perspective of my day while in a more optimistic mood. Today's weather was, well, right now it's perfect. For me at least. It's cloudy and grey, but you can see distinct differences in the clouds, as opposed to those days where the sky is a sprawling mass of grey; as such the sun is allowed to shine through a little, giving everything a slight glow due to the puddles and sheen of water covering everything. The rain has varied from nothing to a reasonable shower: neither of which bother me due to my natural umbrella. The temperature is cool, not cold. Just right.

But I digress, I only had one class today, and without Daniel my trip there and back was quiet and meditative, filled with music instead of inane chatter and: "She's got noice arse." or "Her boobs are popping outta 'er top, you see?" I think some of my brain cells are returning to work as usual, and isn't simply thinking up sarcastic comments to throw back at him.

My class was only 2/3 full, maybe a slight shower seems to scare people off, or maybe they're ill. Both equally possible. While Andy spent a minute or two struggling to find the light switch for the white board, which even my other classmates had noticed before him, probably easier from their perspective. Bemused with the spectacle I pointed it out to him and we carried on with another powerpoint. Business as usual.

We trawled through people's submitted work for last week's assignment which weren't all that bad, just uninteresting to me and everyone else. I zoned out for a little while 'til Andy pointed out a semi-colon in someone's work where a colon should've been.

Now, it might just be me, but I'm quite aware the semi-colon is one of the English language's biggest hurdles - I was taught about it in Year 4 but at that point in my life it went straight over my head...but by the time I began A-Levels I was pretty sure of it's use: "Big Paws" as Andy put it. The image of a lion ravaging someone's face instantly came to mind, but I shoved that thought to the back of my head, as, to my actual surprise, he had to explain to the whole class what a semi-colon was and how it was used...having brought up the fact that it was a 'big pause' (in my words) I thought that'd be it, but apparently even my classmates seem to struggle with this concept and we spent a full 6 or 7 minutes on the subject, before moving on.

So, as I seek to prove, even in my more optimistic mood, I am not milking this. I think I could be more motivated if I was back at my first year of Sixth Form, it would've been more intense work (which isn't saying much, since my first year at Sixth Form was mostly coasting and socialising, as well as playing Pool every other night) and probably a lot more fun. Though I guess I'm going to have to tough it out a few more weeks at least, maybe then I'll be able to prove that this is a pointless waste of my time, spending a year doing these "catch-up" activities might just make me throw myself out of my window. Not in depression, but just in sure frustration at the child-like standard of teaching I'm being subjected to, simply for the benefit of the dim-witted among my classmates.

"For how long will you try? How long until you walk away? Your facade can't hide that you're in misery."

-Ross